I actually Like Small Talk
part of the journey, not a detour
We say we don’t like small talk. I don’t know what makes us say that, but we do—and often with a slight smug attitude.
I’m guilty of that as well.
I think it’s because we interpret it as a trait of a shallow person. I’m not really sure how one comes to hold that view, but I know better now. For better or worse, and contrary to my older self, I’ve come to love small talk.
Here’s why.
There’s a line in The Little Prince: “We are special only to those who know about us. To the rest, we are alike.” And in some way, being among a pool of people connects us.
In society, we’ve diminished small talk’s value, not realizing how powerful it actually is. We romanticize deep, intellectual conversations yet refrain from asking how someone is doing or what they’re up to. We forget that depth without a bridge is just isolation—each word an island.
Small talk connects us as people.
Say someone goes, “Man, the weather.” And the other person responds, “Yeah, I can’t believe how beautiful it is.” You reply, “I know, right?”
Or someone says, “Ugh, the weather… it’s been raining nonstop. When is it going to stop?” And the other person goes, “I know, right?”
In that tiny moment, something remarkable happens. You’ve literally created a reality that you both share.
When you build a foundation with lots of small talk, you find similarities. You start to exist in the same realities. But if you only engage in big talk, it’s just large ideas—abstract and detached.
Big talk, on the other hand, separates us—or rather, individualizes us. It singles us out based on experiences, events, interpretations, or interactions unique to each of us.
I think somewhere along the way, we’ve misunderstood some aspects of authenticity. We have detached it from little greetings here and there. To say you can’t share an honest moment with someone unless it’s an hour-long conversation is just ridiculous.
Small talk is what makes us porous. It grants permission to simply exist with someone else for a moment—not to prove something, not to debate—just to be. It’s the underrated glue of human continuity.
Small talk greases the skids.
So yes—I actually like small talk.